Detaching Self from “My Things and My Story”

Published

on Apr 27, 2008

in A New Earth, Inspiration, Materialism, Self Growth

. Tags: popular.

Last week I decided to do something that had been on my mind for a few months now. What was it? Well let me explain how I got to the idea in the first place, before I tell you what it was.

A few months ago, I decided to go through my jewellery drawer and reconnect with what was in there. I consider myself a minimalist and hence do not like anything extra in the house in terms of clutter. I am in no way, you know that saying, a “pack-rat”. “If I don’t use it, then I don’t need it and hence it should not be there” is I guess a general way of understanding my outlook on “stuff”.

I don’t like to have many versions of one thing, because

a) you lose appreciation for your items more and

b) there is only so much one needs and can use at a time

Well I follow that idea very well when it comes to household stuff and knick-knacks, clothes and even food in the fridge. So I thought, how about my sentimental and precious jewellery pieces?

I find that in the Western World, we are so captivated and addicted to abundance and the idea of “more”. So many people hold on to so much and for so long, some till their death. Then their survived ones go through piles of stuff and junk for the most part, that was collected to no end over the years of that life time. Did you ever ask yourself who benefits from such actions? Did you ever ponder about why so many of us seem so unable to get out of these habits? And what would happen if you did?

I really cannot agree with this concept as like I said before, there is only so much one can use in a set amount of time during their life here. I also think about it this way; if I happen to have more than I need of something and clearly I cannot use “it” or “them” all at the same time then why not share, pass it onto or donate it to someone who could make use out of something that may just sit in my house for the sake of sitting. Again with this idea, I know a lot of people have the thought “but one day…” To this my response is: if that one day has not come yet or is not now, then chances are it will never come. Granted there are some exceptions like holding onto baby clothes for your next child, but that is generally speaking an exception to very few things.

Now, as you are reading this, alarm bells might be going off in your head saying “but what about sentimental value????” And that is where I will continue “my” story to shed some light on what really is this idea of “sentimental value” and who really benefits from it.

The Idea

Okay so a few months ago, I am going through my jewellery drawer and as I open the main box where I keep all my gold jewellery I noticed about 6 yellow gold rings that I have not worn in years, okay honestly decades, and some I have never once worn! And you may be wondering then why do I have them, well the same thought crossed my mind at that time and the answer was simple… As I picked up one after another, I thought “aunt so and so gave me this…” and “this one I got for this occasion…” So as you can see sentimental reasons took me over. But then I changed my view and thought wait a minute, so this is the only way I am going to remember these people or these moments? Once a year if that when I look at these rings that I am never going to wear???? (And yes I was 100% sure that I was never going to wear these rings again, for one because they are yellow gold which I do not like and two, because I have 3 beautiful rings on my fingers from my husband and that is all I need for the rest of my life)

I realized at this point that something is very wrong here. I needed to break out of the old conditioning. I thought of not only my rings but any other jewellery that is sitting in my drawers simply for “sentimental reasons”. And so I thought, so these items are supposed to just sit there and waste away, literaly collecting dust when they could be used by someone else who would actually use them and appreciate them? Am I that attached to the past and to these items? Well I know myself better than that. The answer was simple and quick - of course not! And no I do not believe also in “future sentimentality”, you know when people say “you can pass it onto your kids”. Are you kidding? These items are already outdated, why would I want to subject any future kids to them and make them feel obligated to like them because they are “your mother’s”. So that is how my idea was born, to get rid of any of the items that I was not and would not be using and break away from the stories that brought with them a false sense of self.

My Action

So last week I went through all my jewellery again and got rid literally of every yellow gold piece, chains, bracelets, rings, ear rings, you name it. Thank God there was not that much, but still I feel anything sitting around doing nothing is already too much. I won’t lie, a small stab of guilt passed through me as I packed them all into one box, but I continued and did not let my uncomfortable ego at this point get in the way. I decided to take them to a pawn shop. I was not interested in making money off of them by selling privately but thought, getting a few bucks for them would be nice, even if it paid for the next few gas fill ups. Now to tell you the truth, based on how many items I had, I thought of a much higher number in my head as to what they would be worth at a pawn shop. I was thinking around $500. What I got was $140. I laughed, as again through attachment to things we assign to them a much greater value then what items actually have.

As I left the shop, I cannot tell you what an amazing feeling I had. I literally felt “lighter”. I felt like I detached myself from something that had a hold over me and just like that felt more free. I think I also proved to myself that I do have the strength to let go and of not being attached to “sentimental stories”. It is always easier to do away with things we do not “love”, but still some people refuse to get rid of things they really do not like. I did not like many of these items, but they did have a strong sentimental value.

Ultimately I am very happy with my decision.

Sentimentality

Now to conclude let’s focus on sentimentality. Many people in our society today feel they need this aspect in their lives. If you question them, often they are not able to really answer why. The thing is that sentimentality instills within us a sense of comfort. Comfort does not force us to think or reexamine things, which ultimately would lead to change. And change is something that not many of us do too well with. For many reasons, all of which are not good, change makes us feel uncomfortable. Someone may say that through what I did I lost something, like a piece of history or family heritage. But think about it, by releasing all these items, did I really lose something, or did I gain?

If one truly examines a situation like this, it will become very evident that one can gain a lot out of it, not lose. One can gain many things through it, but above all, a sense of strength by knowing that you are not these items! Neither they, nor the stories they carry with them make you who you are. You are what makes you who you are.

Author Eckhart Tolle, describes concepts like these wonderfully in his book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Oprah’s Book Club, Selection 61), which if you read many of the other posts, you can see I explore in great depth. Through attachment to things, we form this idea very strongly of “me and my story”. I could have taken out all those gold pieces and gone around explaining to everyone or even just myself on an ongoing basis, who gave it to me, when, why, etc. But what am I doing through that? Creating more detail in “my story” and constantly reliving the past, which again ultimately does not benefit me or make one bit of who I am. Many may disagree with this, and that is fine. One cannot grasp it until one acknowledges their ego and learns how to detach from that first.

The items do not make me who I am. They do not make me any more or any less, regardless of what the outside world says. “My story” also does not make me who I am. It is only through consciousness and “being” that I am who I am and feel as “rich” or “poor” as I choose to feel.

You know on a side note, think also about why so many people dread break-ins….because they may lose “their stuff”. I actually did not fear break-ins very much before this and definitely fear them even less now. Sure there is an element of personal safety, but let us just look at the material aspect. If there is nothing you are attached to, then there is nothing to fear. If the stuff goes, so it goes - remember you were not it and hence do not let it define you. It is truly a matter of living life in an easier or harder way. Either way, the choice is yours.

Finally, our world is full of many beautiful things, both natural and man made and one cannot deny that some material things make us feel “good”. And I am in no way here asking you to denounce all that or make you think that I live not needing anything. It goes above and beyond that. I do enjoy nice material things, and there is nothing wrong with that as long as we always keep in mind that these items are not us, do make or define us. And we should definitely not derive our happiness or worth from them. Living life this way, allows you to enjoy the things of this world and be happy when they are there, but at the same time be fine and happy when they are not.

Now how about you? Have you ever detached yourself from something others, or maybe you, thought you could not? If so share your story with us here too and the impact it made on your life.

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Barry says:

OK, I was with you until you mentioned Oprah’s book :P

What is hard is when you don’t like to keep stuff, but others you live with do.

Apr 28th, 2008
Tomas says:

first of all, let me express my joy to meet together.
Thank you for the article. The “Detaching Self from “My Things and My Story”” was read as my own diary- While reading your post I have recalled the verses “there is no better monument to the poet than the continuation of his ideals” …
The “Detaching Self from “My Things and My Story”” is just obligatory for the entrance in the fairyland that lies…underfoot.
“Detaching Self from “My Things and My Story”” quits the lonely musings and introduces us one to other. Thus I’m feeling honored to add Evolving Beings to my blogroll on http://candleday.wordpress.com
Thank you once again. I hope to meet you as here so on all my other locations on web. I hope you will enjoy the talk of my artwork - I will greatly appreciate all your remarks.
Yours respectfully
Tomas Karkalas
Lithuania

May 1st, 2008
Rob says:

An intermediate step to help with sentimentality: take a picture. Looking at the picture will bring the same memories as the object did.

Keep these pics digitally and sure, you’re still being a packrat, but at least it’s all held in the small footprint of your computer and does not clutter your life.

One day, maybe I’ll have the strength the purge the pictures. I am not there yet.
———
One last thought: You mentioned abundance? Having lots of stuff feels abundant? In fact, you send the Universe the wrong message. By hanging on, you send out the vibes of scarcity. The universe responds by giving you more of what you resonate: scarcity. True abundance? Let it go…. there’s TONS more coming where it came from!

Cheers!

May 1st, 2008
Evita says:

Barry - I totally understand where you are coming from and my only piece of advice would be…perhaps try talking to the people you live with about deeper reasons for holding onto stuff - may work, may not but it may be worth a try!

Great to meet you too Tomas - thank you for your comment!

And as always great to hear your thoughts and additions Rob! And so true on the abundance front - true abundance is knowing that you have “it” without the need to physically have it.

May 1st, 2008
earthlingorgeous says:

I was thinking about this yesterday and I realized I think I need to clean up my clutter, thanks for this post. Its really hard to let go of some things especially the story behind them, I’m such a pack rat. Letting go is just so hard sometimes.

May 1st, 2008
BK says:

I think you’ll be the best of friend with my sister. Basically she shares the same thought, “If I don’t use it, then I don’t need it and hence it should not be there.” I shared this same value in term of things especially my computer. Last time I used to keep a lot of unused files and datas thinking that I will someday need it until my computer hard disk crashed. Then I realised that I did not need that much files or datas. Of course there are files that I really needed. But a lot of them should not be there to begin with. So now my thinking is, if I did not use it for a few months, then it’s heading for the recycle bin.

Your view on sentimentality makes me review my own view. I realised as you said, most people attached sentimentality base on physical objects that they can hold in the hands. Is it so much as holding in the hands? Then I realised it has a similar concept to one of the articles that I posted in the past about Getting over someone … doesn’t mean forgetting that person. Remembering someone doesn’t need any physical attachment. Remembering someone is putting someone close in the heart and it certainly transcends any physical objects.

May 1st, 2008
Evita says:

BK - wow that is so well written about gettting over someone, I really like the last line you use - and ultimately when we choose to open ourselves up to it, it is true and so much more beneficial to our life as opposed to “physically” hanging on to someone or something.
There is such a freedom to be experienced from it!

May 2nd, 2008
Leilani Love says:

Thank you for the LinkReferral review and for directing me to your amazing site!

I really enjoyed reading this posting. There was one part that really got my mind flowing: “… In the Western World, we are so captivated and addicted to abundance and the idea of “more”. So many people hold on to so much and for so long, some till their death. Then their survived ones go through piles of stuff and junk for the most part, that was collected to no end over the years of that life time.”

My sister and I often talk about this, as it pertains to our mother. Both of our parents are immigrants, and they live well below the mandated poverty line. But this wasn’t always the life my mother lived. She was spoiled and pampered, having never been denied anything in her more formidable years.

She is now a pack rat, holding on to things that lack even sentimental value. Sometimes, we wonder if it is the action of saving– rather than the items themselves– that direct her pack-rat compulsions. I’ve come to believe that because she cannot have the quality of possessions she desires, she compensates simply by having an obscene quantity.

Anyhow, it really made me think more about my mother– and with Mothers’ Day around the corner, I suppose it’s a good thing.

:-) I enjoy your site and will definitely be back to read more!

May 3rd, 2008
Susie says:

Its like clearing the emotional cobwebs! I love this piece, and you are so correct in feeling “lighter” I did that about 6 months ago, not only with jewelry, but with cloths, we certainly do end up with an emotional attachment to things, but we so freely throw out relationships and things of meaning it is befuddling to me.

What about the folks that live in these homes that are literally finacially choking them off from everything that means anything. Folks that are constantly killing themselves on the job to keep up the home that has taxes that cost more than some are salaried at?

When it comes down to it, we can only be in one room at a time. Enjoy that room, enjoy those that are in it!

:)

May 3rd, 2008
earthlingorgeous says:

just dropping by ! happy weekend!

May 3rd, 2008
Sister Wolf says:

But, why did you sell your jewelry to a pawn shop?? This shows your attachment to money, does it not?

You could have given the jewlery to any charity thriftshop, where its sale could benefit the needy.

What a wasted opportunity to do some good.

May 26th, 2008
Evita says:

Sister Wolf - thanks for your feedback and to answer your question, at that moment my only thought was to detach from the items and the stories that I had given them. Your suggestion of how to dispose of them is definitely valid as an alternate way.

Yes I could have donated them or sold them personally or heck even thrown them right into the garbage, BUT that is not the point of this message or of this article. It is not about doing charity work but about detachment in whatever form - and for me at that moment that was the form I chose.

And it is not only about jewelery, it could have been about photographs, clothes, furtniture or car for that matter.

As for the attachement to money, in terms of donations it is actually easier to give the needy money where people can buy their own necessities.

But I hope you are also not misunderstanding that being spiritual or enlightened DOES NOT mean living in poverty as people used to think in the past. I am detaching myself from items and stories but I still need to buy my own food, pay my own bills, etc. so that I do not need to become one of the needy and rely on others. It would have been a whole other story if I took the money and bought myself some new jewelery, etc. but as I wrote in the article above a few bucks for some of my own necessities like food and gas is what I got out of it.

I am glad you were able to contribute your thoughts.

May 27th, 2008
Debra says:

I can so relate to the letting go. I started letting my house go last year. it took me a full year to release and clear out. I was in financial difficulty and ended up having to let the house go back to the bank. the house was killing me, my health and my soul. I would stand in my kitchen and talk to the house telling it ‘thank you’ for keeping my kids and i safe and dry but that it was time for me to let it go to someone who could take care of it. i blessed it. It took me the first 4 months of this year to sort and box 30+ years of stuff.(I even found birthday cards from when i turned 21 lol) I didn’t have any help from my kids and I was blessed that a woman from church gave me 4 saturdays-what a slave driver but that is what i needed-someone to push me so that i wouldn’t get bogged down in the memories.
i probably still kept too much and that is my next project-to really decrease what i am holding onto. However, the freedom and clearing has been amazing. I am now ready to bring in all that is for my greater good, i have made space for Spirit to act.
Blessings

Jul 8th, 2008
Seth Garrison says:

Many “enlightened” people take the detachment from things to mean not having any things.

The true test of whether the ego is using things to create the identity of who you are is to imagine losing them. What would that feel like? How would you react?

Knowing that they are just “things” and not who you are makes life so much easier. Knowing that you are not made more or less by the amount or value of things around you eliminates any need to care if something happens to them.

Loved your personal example, Evita.

Aug 19th, 2008
Evita says:

Yes exactly Seth…this is a common misconception among enlightened people and also those who observe enlightened people. This also plagues a lot of those in religious orders too. Many feel that if you are close to “God” then you should not have or need anything, and heaven forbid you are “rich” - then surely you must be a fake.

When really we all chose to come to this experience to enjoy the physical in whatever way we choose and there is nothing wrong with that - again - as long as we do not identify with it and understand those “stories” and “items” are not who we really are.

And just as you say, it really does make life so much easier.

Aug 20th, 2008
Liara Covert says:

Exploring the history and energy of your jewelery drawer will trigger all kinds of key revelations. You will find new meaning in the choices of objects given to you by certain people. It is a treasure trove of information that offers limitless information about yourself, your state of mind and evolving personality. Ingest what you choose to see.

Sep 9th, 2008

Turning Something “Bad” Into Something “Good” - Evolving Beings - Aug 9th, 2008

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