Evolving BeingsTM

Growing in Wisdom and Enlightenment to Awaken the Highest Version of Who We Are.

It’s Not the Situation; It’s How You Choose to Experience It

Written
by Evita
 on Mar 27, 2008
 in Inspiration, Law of Attraction, Self Growth
. Tags: .

Too many of us seem to be so down about numerous situations that happen to us.  And whether this is you or someone close to you or not, it is never pleasant to suffer or watch others suffer.  But guess what… they do not have to suffer, and neither do you. 

We have all heard of the saying “It’s not the problem, but how you cope with it” right? So how have you incorporated this great truth into your life?  The answer is that most of us haven’t.  We probably read it on some inspirational poster or heard it from a friend at one time and thought “oh what nice advice, but so unrealistic”.  Well here is me giving you my spin on this lovely statement in a little bit of a different way…

See the problem is that our society causes us to get so caught up with so much drama and creates so much noise for us; it is very hard for us to hear ourselves and think rationally from the spirit.  Most of the time we are simply “reacting” instead of “acting” to what is.  We are busy at work, busy at home, and busy in our thoughts.  There is so much going on and so much to process that we neglect to spend time with “ourselves”.  We neglect to find calmness and peace and make sense to ourselves of the situations we face each day.

It is only when you allow yourself to find some stillness and peace in your life that you can step out of the constant “struggle” and away from the stresses of our illusory world.

It is only then that you start to gain a new perspective on yourself, your life and the things “happening to you”. So before I offer a quick and simple solution read on about the next two syndromes, which are examples and my classifications of how we usually fall into the negative states of suffering from the events or people in our lives.

The “Why Me” Syndrome

Have you ever found yourself in a situation asking yourself “why me?”  I am sure you have, we have all been down that road at least once if not numerous times in our lives. But the question I have for you is “why not me?”  Why do we constantly need to feel offended and hurt by the people and events in our lives? Why do we constantly and silently hold the thought that we are somehow “too good” to have this happen to us?  Like seriously, “how dare life do this to me?”

Do we enjoy these negative states? I hardly think so. And yet so many of us do this on a regular basis.  From the smallest to the biggest things, we wallow, we complain, we get angry and sometimes we even have outbursts of victim tears.  I am sure you can relate by now to what I am talking about, but here are a few examples to really drive the point home:

  1. You get a flat tire: your day (if not week) is ruined as you now have lost time and money (to say the least)
  2. You lose your job: you are devastated and start stressing about how you are going to survive
  3. Your kids get the flu: you feel sorry for yourself as you sit up to all hours of the morning taking care of them
  4. Your significant other deceives you: you swear you are now scarred for life and will never be able to trust anyone again
  5. Your house burns down: you are devastated as you lost everything

Now if your ego is strong at work, right about now you are ready to navigate away from this article, if not this site, saying to yourself, “how cold and cruel to say and assume such things, these are unfair events or tragedies happening to me, how could she know what I have been through?” But wait, stop and be still for a moment, re-read the questions in the first paragraph of this section, is it not true?

See what we forget, due to all the noise of our society-driven lives is that we do have another option here. There is another way, a better and more peace filled way to live and handle the situations that come our way but only of course if your ego allows it.

The “What did I do to deserve this” Syndrome

The second state many of us are very familiar with is the state that arises out of the “what did I do to deserve this?” question. Normally people start thinking to their past and throw in ideas of luck or karma or carrying Jesus’ cross or God testing us and the list goes on.

Guess what the answer is…NOTHING.  That is right you did nothing about it. You did nothing to prevent this situation from happening in the first place.  And by simply reacting to it, you are doing nothing productive with it now. Before you jump all over this one too, let’s see how we can turn doing nothing productive into something productive by revisiting the previous examples to get a better understanding of what I mean:

1) You got a flat tire

Start with questions like these:

  • Have you been maintaining your car regularly? or Where you hoping to have these old tires for at least one more season?
  • Are you fully aware when you drive? Do you notice things along your path to avoid?

What if these types of questions do not apply to you?  Consider these then:

  • Is life trying to give me a time out?
  • Was life protecting me using this event, from some worse incident?

2) You lose your job

Start with questions like these:

  • Did I like/enjoy my job?
  • Have I been dreading going to work each morning?
  • Was I fully involved in truly doing it the best way I possibly could have?
  • Did I often complain about my job? boss? coworkers? duties? etc…

What if these questions do not apply to you? Consider these then:

  • What greater opportunity has life pushed me towards?
  • Are there outstanding talents or things that I have always wanted to pursue?

3) Your kids get the flu

Start with questions like these:

  • Have they been exposed to balanced, fresh foods regularly?
  • Have you been aware of their emotional health?
  • Is the household environment causing them a lot of stress?

What if these types of questions do not apply to you?  Consider these then:

  • Have I been too busy? Is life trying to give me an opportunity to spend time with them?
  • Am I getting caught up with my job and problems too much to make these beings I so wanted my number one priority?

4) Your significant other deceives you

Start with questions like these:

  • Have you been fully present in the relationship?
  • Did you keep an open and honest communication with your partner about everything?
  • Did you often complain about the relationship or your partner?

What if these types of questions do not apply to you?  Consider these then:

  • Was I afraid to walk away from this person out of convenience?
  • Is life offering me a way out?
  • Is this person holding me back and this is my opportunity to be free to meet the person that is better suited for me?

5) Your house burns down

Start with questions like these:

  • Was I careful and aware of fire safety at all times in the house?
  • Was I careless with something or neglected to maintain proper maintenance?

What if these types of questions do not apply to you?  Consider these then:

  • Do I only find worth in material goods?
  • Did I really lose everything, or did I just loose the excess that was shielding me from my magnificent potential?

No matter where you fit into these scenarios, it is not about being harsh here. Believe me I know first hand how hard it is to look at ourselves for the answers instead of the situation. But ultimately we have to understand that there are no outer forces “out to get you”.  And remember “reacting” to these situations will only make a so called bad situation much, much worse.  There is always and I do mean always a solution, but we will never find it in the middle of stress and anxiety.  The best solutions lie in moments of stillness and self reflection. Let’s now talk about a new approach.

Remedy to get rid of syndrome(s)

The answer to these or any other examples in your life is to start asking yourself the deeper questions instead of the simple and old questions of “why me?” and “what did I do to deserve this?”  I am inviting you therefore to not only ask questions, but to ask new questions.  Consider this, how can you keep asking the same question and hope each time for a different answer? To get a new answer you have to ask a new question. 

Yes it is not easy, if it was everybody would be doing it.  And I am in no way being judgmental here about you or this or that situation. I have to keep practicing this remedy myself too.

Ultimately, the answer I am giving you is not the popular answer and not the answer most of your friends will give you, but the one that I know can break the vicious cycle of fear, blame and victim playing.  It is not easy taking responsibility and being accountable to ourselves.  But what we should also consider is instead of having these higher (and sometimes unrealistic expectations) of life, others, situations or events, why don’t we expect more from ourselves first. See, what so many of us do not realize until we have that bright “aha” moment is that your suffering does not lie in the situation, but in how you choose to handle it or let it affect you.

Therefore remember, things will happen, but only you can give meaning to whether something is bad or good.  And only you have the power to choose how you will feel about it.  Remember too, you may not control the situation but you are in control of you - your feelings and actions.

The next time someone or something you labeled “bad” happens to you step back for a moment before you react, so you can regroup your thoughts on how to act.  And always ask yourself these 2 questions:

  1. How do I want to feel as a result of this and how does this feeling serve me?

AND

  1. What is the underlying message here for me to learn and grow from?

And by all means this case is not closed; there are so many examples and so much else that can be said here.  In future articles, we will continue to explore this topic further and focus on how to minimize, if not avoid “bad” events happening to you period through techniques like “pre-paving” and “segment intending” that authors, Esther and Jerry Hicks, describe in detail in their material.

Your turn - I would love to hear about your old and new questions that you have been asking and how it impacted any situation in your life.

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17 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Rob says:

    Great article! I agree with what you’ve written, but I have a couple small things to add that might help people deal with things as well:

    1. Energy Flows where attention goes. In the case of the flat tire, did the situation end on the road, or end with a new tire on your car? Probably not! I’m sure the person with the flat told EVERYONE they know about the story, over and over and over, and how aweful it was and what an inconvenience it was.

    Guess what? You’ve just told the universe that you love what it gave you, and to give you more. The unconscious mind can’t understand a negative. It doesn’t matter if you said you like it or not, but you gave the situation a LOT of attention, which sends the message out “give me more of this”.

    2. Preperation. OK, something bad happens. In the case of a flat tire…. you didn’t deserve it, but it happened. Deal with it. You have a choice AHEAD of time…. you can learn how to change a tire. Then, if it ever happens, you fix it. The alternative is throwing yourself on the mercy of others to help you. Sure, even if you know how to fix it, you can still accept help…. but atleast you have a choice!

    Transcend the Ego :)

    Thanks for taking the time to contribute so much to everyone by creating this site and the content! I look forward to catching up on what I’ve missed and to reading future articles!

    Rob

    Mar 28th, 2008

  2. Evita says:

    Rob - thank you so much for the contribution, your thoughts are right on and I completely agree with the two points you added as they expand even more on the ideas of the article.
    I look forward to more of your feedback :)

    Mar 28th, 2008

  3. earthlingorgeous says:

    I agree… happiness is a conscious choice… and I choose to be happy! :) nice entry, great insights :) happy weekend !

    Mar 28th, 2008

  4. Liara Covert says:

    This is an incredibly healthy reminder. I have experienced what its like to try to convince people to realize we each only decide how we react. Its a useful lesson for me to realize that people will only open their minds and senses if and when they are ready. Its not up to us to change people. We can only choose to change our own perception and mind.

    Apr 4th, 2008

  5. Dan says:

    Hi Evita,

    Lovely message and very strongly phrased! The passion in your belief really comes through in your writing. I have a question for you regarding the children getting flu bit… I agree that we can take some responsibility for our children - certainly to the point that as parents or carers we are responsible for helping them to question and explore life and be creative and resourceful thinkers; I’m wondering what your thoughts are about their responsibility in this particular situation. To me, it is their thinking that has lead to their flu… at what age can they consider themselves responsible for their own thinking and actions in terms of creating their experience???

    Cheers, Dan

    Apr 4th, 2008

  6. Susan says:

    Hi Evita–how refreshing to hear this! It took me a long time to break away from the above mentioned syndromes, but through my journey,as I am evolving to reach deeper understanding: “What is my opportunity here?” is the question I have learned to substitute…it helps to change my filters of perception…and helps me remember there is always a gift in every situation, I just need to take the time to unwrap the package.

    When I think back to my strongest, most rigid, back against the wall, not going to change my mind, attitudes of resistance…I have been blessed with a greater power flowing through me which allowed the experience to unfold, and graced me with awareness. I have learned by now, that where my resistance is the greatest…the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow awaited me.

    Apr 4th, 2008

  7. Evita says:

    Susan, thank you so much for your input! The wisdom you drive out of this situation is definitely very beneficial for making our lives so much happier, pleasant and deeper in meaning.

    Apr 4th, 2008

  8. Evita says:

    Hello Dan - I am glad you enjoyed the article, now as to your question:
    So just focusing on the kids,
    I believe parents are strongly responsible for why their kids get sick beyond just the regular care for the following reasons:

    1) A child is not born “expecting” to get sick, right from the time they have some cognition of what we are saying, we as parents say things like “you have to put your hat on or you are going to get sick”, “you have to wash your hands or else…”, “you have to eat your vegetables or else…” - you get the idea. Hence we put into them an expectation of getting sick. We point out others who are sick and say “you don’t want to end up like them”, etc… and all sorts of other things.
    So to help this matter out, instead of instilling a fear or expectation of sickness, we can go about it in a very different way. I know that parents think that they are protecting the child in this way, but no true good we see today comes out of “fear tactics”. We could for example try to explain to the child all the wonderful things happening inside of their body when they eat vegetables, etc.

    2)Before kids can even talk, they sense very well their parent’s thoughts, emotions, etc. So we also have to remember how to act when we get “sick” or are having some off day. For anyone who has children they know that kids, especially little ones are like parrots, they copy what they see, hear, etc. So what state you are in and how you cope with illness will have a huge determining factor on how your child will behave.

    3) “The everybody syndrome”. How many of us have done this in the past…cold and flu season comes around and we say “well it’s just a matter of time before we get it”. So much of this is based on the law of attraction and levels of consciousness. It is not easy, but it is doable. for example when a group of moms spends long conversations drawing out the details of how many kids in their child’s class are sick, etc. None of this is helping matters.

    We are getting off topic a bit here from the article but that is ok as you sparked another great point. See, we have accepted illness in our society as “normal”. Sooner or later it happens to everyone, right? Well most can believe that, I don’t. That is my biological/health side coming through. I have learned enough about our cells and our body to know that if your body is working optimally, there is no room for sickness. And how does it work optimally, through our diets, thoughts, actions, etc. Obviously again this is not easy as it has been accepted by generations and has become embeded into collective consciousness that getting sick is normal. But with enough consciousness, I believe based on personal experience that it can be undone.

    So to wrap this up - as you say “it is their thinking that has lead to the flu”, I agree but after WE put that thinking into their heads to begin with (remember they are not born with it).

    And secondly as to what age are they responsible for their own thinking, ah, that is a tough one… In some ways right from about the age of 4 or so when they can reason, as they can formulate thoughts about the outside world. But on the other hand around the time that they are almost teenagers, because when they are young, even though they can still think, their thoughts are greatly dependent on ours. And when they become teenagers, they really start to question their parent’s thinking and start to formulate their own ideas.

    Another aspect of this is to inspire their own thoughts earlier. And this can be done by regular conversations that emphasize accountability, where they are now accountable for their action. So instead of instilling fear, have conversations explaining the idea of how actions lead to consequences. This is not something we can avoid in the physical realm.

    And explaining that their thinking is the driver of results, and so from a young age a child’s consciousness can be greatly enhanced to teach them to be aware of their thoughts and accountable for their actions. Always we of course serve as the example of this for them.

    And if all the above seems impossible or unrealistic, for whatever reason, to an individual, then I go back to the statements I made in the original article. “If the child does get sick, teach them at least of the different ways of looking at the situation”.

    I thank you very much for your expnasion on this idea and I invite you to share with me any other thoughts on this or future topics, as it has been enlightening.

    Apr 4th, 2008

  9. Dan says:

    Wow, a comprehensive reply!

    I have to say that I agree with your thoughts here. I’m a great believer that we re-create our thinking in our children - they learn this from us in spite of what we do or say!

    I may even suggest that even once we get to the stage where we are adults that the things we do unconsciously (perhaps those learned in childhood) we are not responsible for. We are perhaps responsible for being aware that we have these things, but only if we are aware!

    It reminds me of the “Twinkie defence” where some biological factor removes the defendants responsibility for a crime. It may be possible to argue that we are not responsible for anything we do that unconsciously.

    Thanks for the reply - I’ll write some more thoughts in my blog on this later and link back to this article.

    Dan

    Apr 9th, 2008

  10. Evita says:

    And again I agree with you - we do do so much as adults without knowing why…where did we first get those thoughts and ideas from…unconsciously picked them up from when we were kids.

    And thank you too!

    Apr 9th, 2008

  11. Edward says:

    This is a great posting explaining how we think about our life day to day. Our behavior is a big reflection on how our future will turn out to be. Taking steps to analyze yourself also leads to the acquiring of responsibility. There was a great topic mentioned on the blog of 5WPR’s Ronn Torossianmentioning responsibility enables us to exercise control over your own destiny. If we can combine the two (responsibility and experiencing each situation for what it is), life will be a lot more healthy for the mind, and we can grow as individuals.

    Jun 25th, 2008

  12. Evita says:

    Thank you so much Edward - I will surely look into the site you mention as it is always great to read other’s perspectives on this topic too.

    Control over our own destiny is so possible and those who recognize it really benefit and as you say also allows for growth. Bottom line it just makes life easier when one understands that it is us who control the outcome of every situation.

    Jun 25th, 2008

  13. Liara Covert says:

    Your comment about “normal” and “expectations” in your reply to Dan really hits a point home. People are unconsciously sending our energy vibrations to loved ones all the time. The implications are startling. A person may have the best intentions, but that person’s word choices, thoughts and actions may be undermining them. To raise awareness is a way any person can align their thoughts, behavior and intention. This alignment is key to deliberate and effective action. How you choose to experience a situation may not reflect what you eventually get out of it.

    Oct 19th, 2008

  14. Evita says:

    Yes Liara - what you say indeed has to always be considered as so often people say that they are doing their “best”, etc. and perhaps they are but their words, thoughts and actions all stem from energy and that energy is more powerful in what it does than the above three methods combined.

    Most people of course are not aware of that energy or just how powerful it is.

    Oct 19th, 2008

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